


No Secrets Amongst Family

by Trilled



Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [2]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25078639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilled/pseuds/Trilled
Summary: Dax and Kira visit visit Bajor for a conference on the wormhole and Kira gets time to visit some Resistance family, who are keen to hear about her new life on the station.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790863
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	No Secrets Amongst Family

**Author's Note:**

> Set early season one before the episode Battle Lines

"The computer display does no justice to how it looks in real life." Kira stretched back on the high backed chair, marvelling at the image of the wormhole on the large display in the darkened science lab.

"There are some truly beautiful things in nature." Dax mused.

"As well as some truly ugly." Kira laughed. "Like Ferengi."

Dax turned to look at Kira, her face lit by the light from the image of the wormhole. "What's Quark done this time?"

"Since the Cardassians left a lot of independent news channels have started up. There have been a lot of truths coming out about the atrocities that happened during the Occupation, and many articles about our friendly bartender and his Occupation activities."

"And?"

"And some days what I read makes me grateful for the little Keevat and some days I want to kill him."

"And what's today?"

"Definitely kill him." Kira smiled at Dax, a wicked gleam in her eye. "The Federation doesn't condone torture, does it?" 

"No."

"Oh well, that scraps that idea."

Dax swatted at her playfully and they both started laughing.

"Thank you for bringing me up here though Jadzia. I don't want to be an ignorant person."

"You're not Nerys. And if there is anything else that you want me to explain to you, you know that I'm more than happy to."

"I know." Kira held Dax's hand, gently kissing the back of it.

Dax smiled back, enjoying the small gestures of affection that Kira bestowed upon her.

The door beeped just before opening, shining light on the room and making Kira fly away from Dax.

"Are you in here Old Man?" Sisko called out into the dark.

"Lights." Dax called, straightening her uniform. "Sorry Benjamin, some things look better in the dark."

"Lieutenant Dax was just explaining some of the finer points of the wormhole to me. The colours on the display are brilliant if you remove all of the background light." Kira explained, nervously grabbing for a data PADD.

"It is quite a sight Major." Sisko walked into the lab, taking a chair and sitting down with them.

"Actually I'm glad that I found you both here. The Bajoran Provisional Government and the Vedek Assembly are keen to learn as much about the Wormhole as they can, and have asked that we present at a conference on it. Major as the Bajoran Liaison Officer you've been asked to attend and, of course, Lieutenant Dax as our resident expert."

"And they want me to present a paper? Ben, I don't know enough about it yet. No one does."

"I think that all they are looking for at the moment is a layman's explanation. It's going to attract a lot of interest to the Bajoran sector, scientists, trade, tourism, and of course the spiritual aspect and Bajoran Prophecies. The Bajoran's want to know exactly what they have, before they start making decisions on how to manage it."

"Commander, why didn't I know about this? Why did the Provisional Government by-pass me? I am meant to be the Liaison Officer after all."

"Major, this is a result of the meeting that you set up for me this morning with some of the ministers. After 20 minutes of questions about the Wormhole I suggested they should talk to someone with more scientific knowledge to answer them, and so that the rest of the Council can have the same opportunity. They discussed my proposal and it turned into this. I'm sure you'll find your official invite waiting you."

"But how am I meant to liaise when you won't let me."

"Major, when they contacted me back about this proposal, I was having dinner with Jake, and you are off duty. I wasn't about to stop the communication to make sure you were involved."

Dax put her hand on Kira's arm to stop her from the angry outburst she could see brewing. "Major, I'm sure this will be a good experience. I finally get to go to Bajor for a break from the station. You can go home to your family for a visit."

Kira looked away from them, brushing the chair arm for non-existent dirt and dust. "I don't have a home. Or very much of a family left either."

"I’m sorry to hear that Major. Things are quiet here at the moment. I'm sure an extra day planet-side after the conference can be arranged if you would like, for whomever you’d like to visit. I'll leave all the finer details to you."

She curtly nodded at him and Sisko excused himself to leave. "Oh, by the way Major, Doctor Bashir is interested in going to Bajor soon to deliver some medical equipment to the main hospital. You should organise to share the shuttle with him. Save you having to travel by public transport ship."

As the door closed behind him, Kira's face set into a scowl.

"Don't worry, Nerys, I'd rather the transport ship too than a couple of hours with Doctor Bashir." Dax lent forward for a quick kiss, softening Kira's scowl. "Anyway, I'm sure it will be fun. And we can share some of my firsts."

Kira looked at her with surprise. "What could there be on Bajor that you have never tried?"

"Well I've never been there, and I get to try some real Bajoran cuisine, not the replicated stuff we get on the station."

"There's nothing special there. Nothing you wouldn't have seen elsewhere."

"But I get to do it with you." Dax tousled Kira's hair. "And I would love to see a Bajoran temple. In my three hundred years I've never found a use for religion, but I found it quite relaxing to meditate in the temple the other day. The monk said that I don't have to be a believer to visit your temples."

"I'm afraid you'll be disappointed in them. The Cardassians looted them before they left and what they couldn't take they destroyed. They aren't as spectacular as they once were."

"Will you show me anyway?"

Kira nodded. "I'd love to."

==/\==

Dax piloted the shuttle to Bajor, with Kira taking the co-pilots seat to avoid having to talk to Bashir.

Bashir, however, tried to start up several unsuccessful conversations with them. "So, Major, where will you be staying on Bajor? Do you have family you'll be visiting with?"

"I've told you before Doctor, I don't have family, not alive anyway."

Bashir stammered, not sure whether to offer his sympathy.

"There's a hotel in the capital city that has been booked for us." Dax stepped in. "We'll be living in luxury for a few days."

"Quite a treat I'm sure Major." Kira turned to him, scowling. "I... I mean after how we've all been living on the station. I better check on the equipment. Last minute inventory." Bashir quickly dismissed himself.

"He better grow up really quickly before I hit him." Kira growled quietly.

"I admire your restraint Nerys." Dax reached over the console and gave Kira's hand a quick squeeze. "He means well thought."

"Very strange way of showing it." Kira turned her attention back to the consol. "Lieutenant, do you have any plans for after the conference?"

"I have no idea yet. I was hoping to get some inspiration when we get there. I take it you've got your time already planned."

"I'm going to visit a few friends from the Resistance. The Government resettled them to a deserted farm in Dahkur province, and they invited me down a while ago."

"Sounds lovely."

"If you have no set plans I can contact Lupaza, see if they have the room for an extra visitor. Although you may find things a bit primitive."

"As long as I'm not going to cause extra strain on what they have. Major, despite what Doctor Bashir keeps saying, Bajor is not primitive, it just currently lacks the resources that most planets have. I'd love to come with you, if you'd like me there." Dax started keying things into the console. "We better prepare for orbit, we're almost here."

==/\==

At the closing of the first day of the conference, Kira's face was forced into a smile, hiding the wish she had to level a few punches at some of the more irritating participants.

"If I have to be civilised to one more politician I'm going to kill someone." She hissed at Dax through her forced smile.

"You want to go?" Dax asked.

"If we don't, Commander Sisko may have to get me out of a Bajoran jail cell."

Dax raised her voice slightly. "Well Major, if you don't mind, I don't quite know my way around this city, and I would like to return to our hotel for a nice meal and a rest."

"It’s no inconvenience. After today's busy schedule I would like a chance to relax too." She countered, making an exit with Dax before anyone had a chance to follow or stop them. 

"It wasn't too bad Major. These types of functions are always full of people parading around, thinking that they are important. You'll get use to smiling and agreeing with them just to keep the peace. Master that skill and you can get away with anything."

Kira looked at her, surprised then burst out laughing. "You shock me Lieutenant."

"That was one of Curzon's tricks. Being a diplomat he had to attend a lot of official functions. Klingons are the worst. So much ceremony. So much tradition. Although they know how to celebrate afterwards."

"Well this is another first for me. Too many resistance members in one place at a time drew suspicion from the Cardassians. The Cardassians even had laws about large groups of Bajoran's gathering. We were meant to have a Cardassian overseer if there were more than ten unrelated Bajorans in a room."

"Rather a strange law, and rather difficult to police too."

"Oh they managed it alright." Kira slowed her stride slightly, her official demeanour slowly giving way to a vulnerability only Dax was allowed to see. "You know, that's what I was arrested for. From where I was in the room, I couldn't get out quick enough, they caught the four of us."

"You've never told me that. It's strange that they went to such lengths to stop you from congregating."

"They knew why we were meeting. If you allow people to meet in large groups, they start talking, and when they start talking, they start having ideas, some that may not be appreciated by the Cardassians. So if we can't meet, we form smaller groups, which can turn into factions that can cause internal fighting, and nothing gets done. So while we're off fighting with each other about who and how to attack, the Cardassians keep oppressing us."

"Very effective on the Cardassian's part."

"It worked alright. There are a lot of the factions that are still fighting. They see the Federation as just another group of people who want to control us."

"And what do you think?"

Kira paused, not sure how to answer. "As long as the Federation allows the Provisional Government to run autonomously, and does not meddle in our affairs, then..." she shrugged.

"But you're still wary." Kira gave a curt nod, hoping not to shock Dax too much. "I can understand why." Dax lent over to whisper in Kira's ear, "But you can take control of me any day you want to." 

Kira giggled like a schoolgirl at Dax's suggestion, feeling her face burn, then tried to hide it, embarrassed by Dax’s flirting in public where she might get caught.

"Is this the place?" Dax asked, stopping outside a dishevelled but still majestic building. 

"Yes." Kira stood looking at it. "Never thought I'd be staying somewhere like this place. It was built almost 800 years ago and managed to withstand the Occupation. It was built for the Queen of the time. While Bajor got rid of official governing royalty many centuries ago, the royal bloodline is still respected and honoured. They often stay here, there are suites named after them over the decades."

"You didn't have to go to such lengths for my sake."

"Oh, I didn't. I wanted to stay here, and as long as someone else is paying, then why not?" Kira ushered Dax in, leaving her standing in the ornate foyer while she dealt with room access and found their luggage, already in storage from being transported down earlier.

Once in their room, Kira stood transfixed to the spot as she stared at the luxuries laid out before them. "This is really all for us?"

"Not unless you wanted to share it with anyone other than me. One twin share room for a Bajoran Militia Major and Starfleet Lieutenant. Everything looks like it’s here." Dax closed the door behind them, and slipped her arms around Kira's waist. "You know if it wasn't for the fact that we're on Bajor, we could get up to a lot of trouble in here."

"What do you mean?" Kira slipped out of Dax's arms, paranoid even in private.

"I mean wild passionate sex, uninterrupted by station duty and other emergencies, being waited on hand and foot by room service and if I'm not mistaken..." Dax opened the door to the bathroom, "Yes, it even has a full size bath. How do you feel about a soak in water Major? I know how much you miss it on the station."

"Really?" Kira stood behind her, staring into the glistening bathroom. "This is too much for me. I really wasn’t expecting something so fancy."

"Enjoy it." Dax rested her hand on Kira's shoulder. "You deserve it Nerys."

==/\==

Sitting outside on the balcony, Kira and Dax enjoyed a filling meal brought up to them by room service while they looked out over the city.

“If you ask me, nothing tastes as good as real food.” Kira closed her eyes, savouring the flavour of what she had just eaten.

“Replicated food is real food. It’s atomically identical to something that grows in a field or hunted and caught.”

“But replicated food always seems to be missing something.”

“Dirt. Bugs. Pesticides. I guess I really prefer my green leafy salads not to come with big green grubs in them.”

“I thought you liked grubs and slugs.”

Dax rubbed her belly affectionately. “Just my slug.”

“I guess I like the variation you can get from fruit that is grown early in the season, or later when there is more rain, or in full sun. Or from fish that fed of leafy river grasses rather than dirt and scum. There’s so much variation you can get that replicators can’t give.”

“Trust me, the introduction of replicators made space travel so much more bearable. Imagine living months in space in a ship just capable of warp one with nothing but ration packs and recycled water using just carbon filters.”

“I think we flew a lot of those ships in the Resistance.” Kira joked.

"What's that over there?" Dax asked, pointing out a tall, but damaged spire across the city skyline.

"It's the Issarth Monastery. It’s thought to be one of the temples where the Kai resides. The gardens are home to some of the rarest plants on Bajor. With all the damage done by the Cardassian's mining Bajor, we lost a lot of natural habitat. The monasteries are a refuge for a lot of Bajoran plants and animals that are so close to extinction."

"Are they open to the public?"

"Of course. Some areas are restricted, but anyone can visit the temple and the surrounding gardens."

“Ben speaks very highly of them from the time he was invited to Bajor to visit the Kai. I was hoping it wasn’t invitation only.”

“We can go there if you’d like?”

“I would, thank you.” Dax enjoyed her meal, slowly rubbing her foot up Kira’s shin. Kira jumped, moving her leg away.

“I'm sure no one can see.”

“I’m probably just being paranoid, but we are on Bajor. I don’t even have the protection of Starfleet here if I get found out. I don’t even know what they’d do with you. You’d be arrested with me.”

“They wouldn’t...?”

“I don’t want to find out. Just please, let’s be safe.”

Dax nodded, pulling her foot away.

==/\==

After room service came to take their dinner away Dax locked the door, pulling over all blinds over the windows and checking for any signs of listening devices. 

"Do you think it's secure?" Kira asked, watching Dax's painstaking thoroughness scanning the room with her tricorder.

"I'm satisfied that even the most determined peeping tom couldn't see in. I think it might be okay for you to give me a kiss."

Coyly Kira approached her, wrapping her arms around Dax and kissing her passionately. She never tired of her touch, the way her lips felt against hers, both delicate and strong, but not overpowering.

Dax ran her hands down Kira's back, resting on her buttocks and encouraging her to jump up and wrap her thighs around her. Still kissing, Dax carried Kira over to the bed, dropping her on to the bed so she sank into the cushions. Kira watched as Dax slowly stripped, saving her underwear for later, and crawling up her body.

"We have to be really quiet remember." Kira whispered in her ear.

"I can be quiet as a Marast. However from what I’ve learnt with our lessons in Bajoran sexuality, is that you are quite the screamer."

"I am not!" Kira objected.

"You're just lucky I have discrete neighbours on the station."

"No one has ever heard me." Kira threw Dax over, pinning her to the bed and holding her hands above her head to restrain her. "You take that all back."

"Why?" Dax lifted her thigh between Kira's legs, letting her rub against it. "I believe I'm the one with all the power, as you're the one with the urges."

Kira grinned wickedly down at Dax, licking along her spots. "So are you." she noted as Dax moaned in pleasure.

Slowly she worked her way down Dax's spots, removing her underwear as she reached it and inhaling Dax's unique smell. Gently she blew against her clit, Dax writhing on the bed.

"Now take it back." Kira grinned wickedly from her position of power.

"Uh huh." she moaned softly, biting her lower lip in anticipation.

"Say it properly."

"Say what?"

"You know. That I'm not noisy. Take it back."

"But you are noisy."

"Take it back or I get in the other bed."

"You're as quiet as a mute Marast." Dax conceded.

"So glad you agree." Kira settled back down, running her hands up along Dax, and finally tasting her in her mouth.

==/\==

Soft knocking woke Kira. Dax's arm hugged her waist and her breathing was soft in her ear. A few moments later she realised it was room service with a wake-up call and breakfast. Sliding out of bed she pulled a gown on and messed the bedclothes of the second to make it look slept in. 

She opened the door slightly to see who it was.

"Breakfast ma'am. Servings for two and a printed newspaper." The girl moved passed Kira, setting the tray on the table and hurrying out.

Kira picked through the tray, sampling the draci berries and moba fruit.

"Nerys?" Dax blearily lifted her head to find Kira, then slumped back down in the pillow once she had. "What are you doing?"

"Breakfast. Room service just bought it." 

"Did they bring the coffee?"

Kira moved the lid from the jug, inhaling the murky brown liquid. "Well the Bajoran equivalent. You like your coffee sweet, don't you?"

"The sweeter the better." Slowly Dax sat up, stretching lazily. 

"I might have to add more honey than usual to it."

"Honey? In coffee?"

Slowly Kira stirred in the honey, sitting down on the bed beside Dax. "Bajoran coffee with Bajoran honey. Not quite the same as the Earth stuff, but I'm sure you'll like it."

Dax sat up in bed, gingerly sipping the hot drink. "Not too bad. If you say it’s got caffeine in it, then I'll drink it."

Kira tousled Dax's hair. "You enjoy your drink, I'm going to read my newspaper."

"Newspaper?" 

Kira looked embarrassed. "The hotel gets paper newspapers here. I thought I might give it a try. We don't get them on the station." Kira say down at the table, slowly eating the sweet breakfast pastries while reading up on local news.

Eventually Dax crawled out of bed, sitting down at the table and kissing Kira on the cheek. "Not bad coffee. Not what I was expecting."

"Glad you liked it." Kira returned the kiss. 

"Anything interesting in the news?"

"Probably nothing you'd find interesting. A lot of internal stuff, local personalities, that kind of thing. Try some of the moba fruit with the cereal.” Kira offered, “I use to live on them when they were in season.” She turned back to her newspaper, focusing on a story of interest.

==/\==

During the mid-morning break Kira was cornered by several politicians, all of them trying to pressure her into taking messages to Commander Sisko. Dax saw her struggling and tried to help out.

"Excuse me Major, if you can spare a moment, there are a few things that I need to discuss with you before the next session."

Kira nodded, moving slightly over to the side of the room. "What do you need?" She asked curtly her body rigid and tense.

Dax lowered her voice, the politicians still within earshot. "I thought you could use being rescued from the hoard."

"No. I'm fine."

Dax looked at her, surprised by her attitude. "It looked as though they were a bit overwhelming for you. I was just trying to give you an excuse to leave."

"I can handle them. If that's all, I think I should go and socialise with other people." Kira left, leaving Dax looking surprised.

Dax slowly strolled away, wandering over to get a drink. A group of Vedeks stood by the urn of tea in rather animated debate.

"Excuse me, I'd like to get a drink." She tried to get past them, carefully balancing a plate while filling a cup with sweet Bajoran tea.

“I can’t believe that something like that would be happening right outside the Kai’s doors.” One of the Vedeks said to the huddle. “These men were only found two streets away from the Issarth Monastery.”

“Do they have no shame?”

They all shook their heads in disgust. 

“Of course not, they are deviants. They’re Rakja.”

Dax’s ears pricked up at the word, having heard Kira use it to describe herself.

“At least they are off the street now.” One sighed.

“Have they admitted their crime?”

“They had not been admitted for re-education yet, but the local police are hopefully to get a confession by this afternoon and they can begin their healing.”

“All the better...”

Dax saw Kira sliding up to the sandwich platter and mulling over the choices. She suddenly grabbed her arm, dragging her outside to the small courtyard before she could protest.

"I think I've figured it out. Your bad mood, you brushing me off, and the reason you won't even look at me today."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kira tried to move back inside but Dax blocked her way and closing the door so no-one could hear what was being said.

"The newspaper you got this morning. The arrest report was in that? Wasn't it?"

"What arrest?"

"I know that you know. The two men. The Rakja."

Kira lent up against the trunk of a tree, looking at moss growing between cracks in the pavers. "You don't think that it would be enough of a warning to keep away from me in public? How did you hear about it though?"

"Some of the Vedeks were discussing two rakja. I overheard them." Dax rested against the fence, making sure there was enough room between them. "When you said it was illegal, I thought you just meant for those who were religious. But these Vedeks were talking about the police arresting these men."

"Police have jurisdiction over our moral laws too." Kira strained a laugh, as though Dax should have known. "Surely the Federation has something similar."

"Not in such terms. Harming others is illegal, but what we're doing doesn't affect anyone else but ourselves."

"But some crimes can affect a society rather than just an individual."

"So two women who love each other can harm society?" Dax looked at her, shaking her head in confusion. "What Bajor is doing towards you is discrimination. Making one group of people better or worse than another. The Federation is built on giving all people the same rights, no matter who they are, or who they love. Bajor may find that laws like this one could hold them back from acceptance into the Federation."

Kira looked at her surprised. "Really? Bajor will have to abolish the moral laws before it becomes part of the Federation?"

"At least modify them significantly."

"So the Federation wants to impose its morals on Bajor?"

"No, it just wants to make sure that every person who is a part of the Federation has the same rights. Even us. That's what you believe in, isn't it?"

Kira opened her mouth, staring before trying to get the words out. "I... I don't know. What I'm doing is still illegal. No matter what I do, or how I rationalise it, its still going against how I was raised, what I've always believed in and what the Prophets have told us."

Dax smiled maternally at her, wanting to reach out and hold her hand, stroke her hair or offer any type of physical comfort. "That's a lot of conflict to be in. Remember that beautiful temple that you pointed out to me in the skyline yesterday evening?" Kira nodded. "I want to go there after today’s schedule. I want to understand Bajor, and what better than the heart of Bajoran culture. I may only see your prophets as wormhole aliens but that time I spent in the temple on the station, I really felt relaxed and at ease. I wouldn't mind doing that again, and you look like you could do with the time to think and reflect."

Kira grinned, surprised but happy. "Okay. We'll go. Although I can’t promise you’ll get any answers. The prophets have never been very good at giving them to me.”

"Maybe they know you’re doing the right thing. Let’s go back in before someone misses us."

==/\==

Kira found herself a hidden grotto in the monastery garden, sitting down on an old stone bench to let her mind relax and wander. 

"You are deeply troubled over something my child." Kai Opaka's silent approach startled her, waking her suddenly from her meditation.

"I am in conflict Kai and I don't know how to resolve it." Kira look up at her in awe.

The Kai held Kira's ear, feeling her pagh through her fingers. "You feel that your faith is weak." She stated.

"I fear that actions I have taken to help make me a stronger person has made my faith weak."

Opaka sat down next to Kira on the bench. "No action can make your faith weak unless you let it. What is it that you fear has caused this problem?"

"I have fallen in love with someone I shouldn't have."

Opaka looked at her, slightly amused. "Love is not something that makes your faith weak. And it is not something that the prophets frown upon."

"What if it is illegal?"

"Love is never illegal. It is wrong that our Government has decided to take on the role of enforcers of the Prophets. It stops us from growing and discussing the intention of these messages. But you can not stop what your heart wants."

Kira hung her head. "Kai, I do not wish to contradict you, but I also fear that if I tell you what I have done, then you may be obliged to have me sent away."

"One does not get to my position without having some control over the penalties that the law has imposed for those to stray from the prophetic interpretations. This will be kept between you and me."

Kira looked at her, surprised and cautious. "I don't know..." Kira faltered, looking up into Opaka's calm, reassuring eyes. "The person I am in love with is an off-worlder... and a woman."

"And do you feel comfortable with this child?"

"I have always felt this way, in my heart, but I pushed it aside because I was taught it was wrong. Then the Cardassians hurt me in unimaginable ways and I became afraid of men. I don't know what else I can do. I feel so safe with her. She is helping to open me up to live in this new Bajor."

"If this is what you want, and what she wants, then there is no reason why you can't be with her."

"But Kai? The Prophecies. Vedek Yata. I was always taught that this is not right."

"Let me tell you a story. About a man, who followed the Prophecies so blindly that he never questioned what he was taught. He lived his life strictly by what he was told by his Vedek. He prayed every day, he offered thanks for meals, clothing, and the money he earned working. He made offerings to the Prophets. He thought that his faith was strong and that the Prophets were indeed watching over him. Then his youngest daughter fell pregnant to a man that she did not care for, choosing to raise the child on her own. He told his daughter that if she didn't marry the man, that she would be going against the will of the Prophets, and that he would ban her from his house. The girl did not marry the man, and indeed the father did not talk to his daughter, banishing her from the house. This made his own wife angry, and she left him too. Upset, the man talked to the Vedek, asking why his daughter disobeyed him and his wife left him. He wanted to know why the Prophets were punishing him, even though he followed their law dutifully. The Vedek simply told him that he believed, but did not understand." The Kai paused, thoughtfully. "Nerys, you believe, but you need to understand what Vedek Yata means, and what he means to you."

"What else can he mean?"

"The text that you refer to, what else does it talk of?"

"It uses lots of farming metaphors, it talks about Bajor growing and being strong. It talks about being fruitful and sowing seed where it is fertile."

"And is the relationship fertile?"

"Opaka? How can it be fertile? We're both women. We cannot have children together."

"You do not fall in love just to have children. People fall in love for many reasons, but very rarely is the reason just to have children. Have you found love with this person?"

Kira looked down at her feet. "Yes, I have."

"Then do not condemn yourself. You are happy, you have love, and your relationship is fruitful. Prophetic interpretations are just that, how we choose to interpret the messages from the Prophets."

Kira looked at her in awe and realisation. "Thank you Kai." She bowed to her, feeling ashamed that she had not seen what she should have. 

"My child, your faith is strong, and your love is pure. You may feel as though you are not the person you want to be, but you are strong and the Prophets have a plan for you. Remember that."

"Yes Kai." Kira stared at her as she left the small grotto, happy tears running down her face. As she sat in silence, she prayed to the Prophets, offering her gratitude.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Major." Dax peered from behind the trees by the entrance. "Are you okay?" 

Kira looked up at her, tears marking her face. "I spoke with Kia Opaka." She whispered. "Everything is okay. We're okay. The Prophets still love me."

"I'm sure they always have." Dax sat down next to Kira.

Kira shook her head. "I was beginning to feel, that maybe by loving you, that I was going against the Prophets. Opaka showed me that there is more than one way to interpret Vedek Yata. That a fertile relationship is one that has love and makes a person better, not just about having children."

Dax held Kira's hand. "I never knew you felt so ashamed and troubled because of us."

"I have been neglecting the temple of recent. I didn't feel as though I could go in there, and I've been so happy to be with you that I'd rather spend that time with you than with the Prophets."

"I know how much your faith means to you. Don't let me get in the way of something that means so much."

"Jadzia, you are one of those things too. You mean a lot to me. Some times I feel that without you, I wouldn't know how to cope with some of the situations that I am faced with, that I would probably resign my commission, return to Bajor, and more than likely live as a hermit for the rest of my life. Maybe the Prophets sent the Federation to Bajor for more than one reason."

"Well I think your Prophets knew what they were doing." Carefully Dax put an arm around Kira, making sure that no one was around. "How about we walk through these gardens. I can hear so many animals beginning to stir now that dusk is approaching and one of the monks told me that if we're lucky, we might spot a crested Dicca bird."

"You know, I've never seen one of them." Kira told her, giving Dax her hand to stand.

==/\==

"I can't believe how fit you are." Dax panted, trying to keep up with Kira as they walked along the dusty farm road.

"In the Resistance we didn't have the luxury of powered transport most of the time. We had to walk everywhere. I have never seen any type of transport that can really be considered an all terrain vehicle. Feet though will get you most places."

"Transporters! They can get you almost anywhere, and you don't have to worry about any terrain. Can you slow down Nerys?" 

"Okay." She slowed to a casual stroll, giving Dax a chance to catch her breath. "I can see a fallen tree trunk we can sit on, a little further up the road, but I'm sure we're almost at Lupaza and Furel's. And once we get there we can sit down, rest, have a nice cold drink."

"If I sit down, I'm not getting up again. My feet are aching even under all these blisters."

"The problem is, you Federation types are all too soft. Too many luxuries, too many machines to do things for you. Bashir may think Bajor is primitive, but if you have too much technology, you forget how to do things for yourself."

"I know how to do things for myself." Dax defended herself. "Its just why do it when there is an easier way." Dax rested against Kira. "Could you carry me for a little bit?"

"I don't understand why you are complaining? We've only been walking for two hours."

"But it's the pace that you're keeping. It's too fast."

Kira glanced around, making sure that there was no-one else in sight then put her arm around Dax's waist. "Come on. Rest against me while we walk." 

Dax sagged against Kira. "These friends of yours, would they understand about us?" 

"They are people who I have trusted with my life, and they trusted me with theirs. I don’t think they’d turn me in but I can’t say how they’re going to react if I tell them that you’re my lover."

"That's okay. I can just be your work colleague if that’s what you want to tell them."

Kira nodded. "Thank you. See how things play out. One thing that I will have to warn you first, their house may be a little basic. The farming areas are taking a long time to get established, especially with first-time farmers."

"You don't have to apologise for your home. I understand what war can do to a society, and that rebuilding can take a long time. Besides, I can live without all my Federation luxuries for a few days." Dax joked.

Kira stopped by a sign in front of a side road, pulling away from Dax. "Looks like this is the place." She pointed to the sign and started down the new road. 

As they walked, the trees began to thin out, making way to barren soil, and the beginnings of a house, smoke rising out of the chimney on one side of the building.

"Looks like something fairly toxic has been through here." Dax commented on the skeletons of once majestic trees. 

"Farmers often hid Resistance members, especially during the winter months. The Cardassian policy was to bomb the area with Tarimar powder, making it toxic to live there, and slowly killing the trees, animals and the soil. The toxins have gone from the air and are slowly breaking down in the soil, but the latest reports suggested over 50 years before all of Bajor is clean again."

"I thought the Federation supplied Bajor with soil reclaimators?"

"Five of them. They're slowly working through the Northern peninsular of Katow province. More of the soil is fertile up there, and the climate is better for growing many staples, like grain. The reclaimators have reduced the time it will take by half, but Bajor is slowly slipping into famine. If we don't get a decent crop this season, millions could die."

"I can understand why you and Ben were having that argument last week."

"The bureaucracy of this is what's most annoying. Sometimes I kick myself for having become one of them."

"You are doing a lot of good for Bajor though. Jumping down Doctor Bashir's throat probably got Bajor that extra shipment of medical supplies."

"How do I get Sisko to help me get more reclaimators though? Bajor can't survive on handouts."

"Maybe leave that one to me. I'm sure I could try something." Dax winked.

As they got closer Kira saw someone standing by the door to the house, waving wildly to them. Kira waved back and Lupaza ran towards them, wild red hair looking more dishevelled. Kira broke pace, hurrying towards her, arms open. 

"Oh Nerys, it's so good to see you." She held Kira in a bear-like hug. 

"Like wise Lupaza."

"Uniform and all." She took a step back to admire Kira in her uniform.

"All part of the job. But it does come off when I'm off duty."

"Didn't think any uniform could change you. And this other uniform is...?" She turned to Dax.

"Lieutenant Jadzia Dax." Dax stepped forward, shaking Lupaza's hand. "I work with Nerys."

"Figured so. Starfleet, right?" She asked suspiciously.

"They're not all evil." Kira told her.

"Looks like you have changed." Lupaza eyed Kira then broke into a smile. "Just joking, kid." She clapped Kira around the shoulder. "Anyone who can make friends with this one must be okay." She told Dax. "You're more than welcome to stay here." 

Both Kira and Dax looked relieved. "Come up to the house. Furel is out... tending to things."

"Its okay. Jadzia knows about the Skene." Kira told her.

Lupaza laughed. "It's about the only thing we can make around here. There's a bit of soil right near the border of our land that we can grow enough to eat, but its not going to hold out. And you can't graze cattle on barren soil."

"Any idea on when you get the soil reclaimators?" Kira asked as they walked to the house. 

"Three years at the moment. Although we had a government official come out here the other month. Told us that the land should be clean in ten years if we did nothing at all. No real help for now though." Lupaza opened the door, ushering them both inside. 

The first room seemed to be the main living area, containing kitchen, eating area, a washtub hanging against the wall and two lumpy home-made couches. A curtain covered the doorway to another room.

"Sorry, it's a little cramped still. I've been promised a workroom and a washroom but it's difficult making farmers and builders out of soldiers. There are only two people with building experience and everyone that's able is out helping them build a house for a family of seven."

Kira sat down at the table, not letting Dax see how relieved she was to be off her feet. She motioned to Dax to join her while Lupaza fussed around the kitchen area. "I still can't see you as the homemaker type. Tied to a kitchen cooking the meals. You never had much flair for cooking in the Resistance."

"I still don't. Furel does most of the cooking. But there is a huge call for natural remedies and medicines. I've got neighbours collecting anything that's useful, and in return they get a couple of bottles of whatever it makes." Lupaza showed Kira a bowl, filled with a green opaque jelly. "Chest ointment. Winter is coming and this is going to be in big demand."

"I hope you're not meant to actually put that on yourself. It smells... rotten."

"It's still got a few more days to cure. Of course it won't smell right yet." She put the bowl away, pulling out two glasses and a jug of water, offering it to both. "I have to ask you, um... Dax?"

"Jadzia is my given name. It’s all back to front to your names."

"Jadzia. Is Nerys this impatient up there on Terok Nor?"

Kira shot Dax a warning glance as she poured out two drinks. "Yes, sometimes worse. And with a temper to match."

"My temper has improved." Kira defended herself. "Even you said so."

"Major, how are those Bolians?" Dax grinned impishly.

"If Sisko had listened to me first, I would have dealt with everything quickly and there wouldn't have been any incident."

"Bolians? Achsah Jisavva turned up?"

"No, his brother. Garai Jisavva. Said he had a business meeting with Quark."

"Quark has stayed?" Lupaza sat down, keen to hear everything about Kira's life on Deep Space Nine.

"No, Quark was blackmailed into staying. Most of the traders were leaving, Quark included, the Federation arrested Quark's nephew for petty looting and they blackmailed him into staying. Now he has almost total run of any business there."

"He was always good for an alibi though."

Footsteps could be heard in the distance outside. "That should be Furel." Lupaza turned to Dax. "Could you help me play a trick on him? Jadzia, can you pretend to be here to arrest him for the Skene? Nerys, hide in the bedroom."

Dax shrugged, unsure of what she was getting pushed into as Kira hid behind the curtained door.

"Have you got my dinner cooking yet woman?" Furel bellowed as he came up to the door, pushing it open. He stopped when he saw Dax standing at the table.

"Furel, they found out about the still." Lupaza told him, sounding scared.

"What? Hey look, it was a few harmless bottles. Just enough to pay for food. You can't expect us to go hungry. We'll pay the fine. A bit extra too?"

Kira stepped out from behind the door. "Bribery and illegal alcohol. Could get you quite a few years."

"Nerys! You really had me going." He grabbed her and gave her an affectionate squeeze. "Just remember I can still beat you up, even with one hand."

Dax looked, noticing that the sleeve hanging loosely by his side did so because there was nothing from his forearm down.

"And this lovely lady? Who I'm sure had nothing to do with this conspiracy against me."

"Lieutenant Jadzia Dax. A work colleague from the station." Kira told him and he shook Dax's hand. 

"Think I might go and work on station if all the women are as pretty as you." Dax blushed, sitting back down. "Well if you can give me a few moments, I'll get started on our dinner. Lupaza has yet to learn the womanly skill of cooking."

Lupaza swatted him playfully on the back of his head for the comment. "I need to go and chop some more firewood. Nerys, could you give me a hand." 

Kira nodded, following Lupaza outside. "Don't believe a word he says." She warned Dax as she left. 

Lupaza grabbed an axe sitting by the front door, swinging it over her shoulder as they walked towards a small shed, no more than a few tall tree trunks covered in a thatched roof.

"Did you hear that Timani got betrothed? They married a few weeks ago." Lupaza told her. 

"No." Kira's heart raced at the name, bringing back memories. "I haven't spoken with her since I was given my posting."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear. I know how much she helped you."

"Peace changes things. We all move on." Kira shrugged, trying not to show how much she had cared.

"Have you? I know we've never spoken about what happened." Lupaza lined up a log, swinging the axe and splitting it in two.

"But you knew. And there was really no need to talk about it afterwards. Timani held me up, she kept me moving to fight another day, to drive them out."

"What about now? What keeps you moving these days?" Another log was split.

Kira felt her face begin to burn as she gathered the splintered log, unable to meet Lupaza's eyes. "I manage."

Lupaza paused, leaning on the axe handle. "There is something that you're not telling me? Something wonderful but you're too embarrassed to say?"

Kira kept tight-lipped, pulling out another log and lining it up to be split.

"You better tell me Nerys." Lupaza studied her face. "You've met someone?" Weakly Kira nodded. "Oh, that's wonderful. Don't be embarrassed about it. Does he know what happened to you?"

Again Kira nodded. "I can't really tell you too much though."

"Why not? We are family. If you can't trust us, who can you trust?"

Kira sat down on a discarded stump, looking down at her hands and contemplating what to say. "With the Cardassians gone, Bajoran law is now adhered to a lot more strictly. A lot of the old moral laws too."

Lupaza squatted down next to Kira. "This person isn't Bajoran?" Kira shook her head. "That's no crime. Some people might not agree, but there is no law against it. And being up in space with all those alien species, it was bound to happen for some of our people." She looked at Kira, sensing more. "That's not all of it, is it?"

"Please Lupaza, I can't tell you. What I'm doing is illegal. No one else knows about it. No one else can ever find out." Kira stressed, wishing she'd never admitted anything to Lupaza.

"You have my word."

“I... I can’t.” Kira panicked, not sure what to say. She studied Lupaza's face for a moment, feeling the years between them when trust literally saved her life. "Jadzia Dax is my lover."

For a moment she said nothing, just looking at Kira. "I guess these things happen." She said finally. "Does she love you?"

Kira nodded. "And I care for her a great deal too. She has my heart."

Lupaza held her hand. “It was that Cardassian, in Eli Kebir. He turned you this way?”

Kira shook her head. “It was never anything like that. Everyone slept around to relieve stress and I was too scared to admit I’d rather be with a woman than all those men. What happened in prison just made me stop using sex as a distraction to reality.”

“You? Scared?”

“Jadzia has shown me that its possible to be scared of your own heart, no matter how brave you are otherwise.”

“And you think this is what your heart wants?”

“I know it does. I feel at ease with her, I’ve trusted her with stories of my past, and she’s so gentle when it comes to teaching me about intimacy. And it seems I have a lot to learn. It’s so different to men and their urges.”

“I know you and Timani were never intimate. She confided in me that you once kissed her. I told her she must have been mistaken or that you were caught up in a waking terror.”

“I honestly don’t remember that. But you can understand why I kept my feelings hidden for so long. Timani was so conservative and I remember when Labern and Hekra were sent away after being caught having sex. It seems Trills and the Federation are a lot more open about sexuality than we are. And it’s been nice to have someone else to take the lead.”

“I bet. Men are so clumsy when it comes to matters of the heart.”

Slowly Lupaza pulled herself up, giving Kira a friendly hug. "You’re alright kid. You’ll figure yourself out and if this is who you are. But for now they're going to need this wood inside."

Kira gathered the wood into her arms, following Lupaza back to the house.

“Thank you Lupaza. That you accept me means a lot.”

“I’ve spent so long fighting along side with you, how could I not accept you.”

Inside Furel had Dax scraping and chopping vegetables while he stirred a pot hanging over the open fire.

"So, what did he tell you?" Kira asked, dropping the wood on top of the small pile already there.

"All the juiciest stuff." Furel teased.

"Something about a Cardassian vole and a plasma grenade."

"Not my proudest moment but it worked."

"Sounds rather risky strapping the grenade to the vole. It could have gone off anywhere."

"Not when I'd already set out food trail for it to follow. Those creatures are stupid and driven by food or mating." Kira laughed, sitting down next Dax and taking over the scraping while Dax chopped.

Lupaza unloaded her wood as well, then went over to Dax, kissing her on the cheek and giving her a hug. "Welcome to the family."

Dax looked questioningly over to Kira, who just grinned and winked. 

"Nerys told me." Lupaza explained.

"What's going on?" Furel pulled his head out from the fireplace, looking at Lupaza who kept quiet, making Kira tell him.

"Jadzia isn't just a work colleague, she is also my lover."

Furel looked at them, studying them for a moment. "You and this lovely woman are..." He cleared his throat. 

"Yes we are." Kira confirmed. 

"Well good luck Dax, because I have yet to meet a man that could tame Nerys. Maybe you'll have better luck."

"I do not need taming." Kira protested. 

"Just ask Triba, Udor and Shakaar Edon."

"Who are they Nerys?" Dax asked.

"All men in our cell that I've had minor disagreements with... and hit." 

"If I recall, you hit Edon several times. You two could never agree on anything." Furel laughed at her.

"That's because he had this annoying habit of always having to be right. No matter how wrong he was."

"Sounds like I should warn Commander Sisko then."

"Nerys has never had much use for authority. She surprised us all by accepting a position in the Militia." Furel collected the chopped vegetables, tipping them into the pot over the fire.

"What was I going to do with a farm? I've never really enjoyed communing with nature. Besides, I wasn't about to give up being automatically made a Major. It means that at least some people have to listen to me."

“Oh, I never do.” Dax laughed at her.

"Well, those vegetables are going to take some time to cook." Furel carefully swung the lid onto the pot. "There are still a few more hours of daylight left. We can give you the tour. See the still." 

"Sounds great." Kira sprung up out of her seat, Dax silently groaning. "Come on." Kira encouraged. "You said you wanted to enjoy being planet side, let's go."

"I didn't realise how much my feet would regret it." Dax sided up to Kira, slipping her hand into Kira's as they walked.

==/\==

After dinner Furel put on the table the large bottle of Skene that he had already been drinking from with Kira.

"A good meal needs to have a good drink to wash it down."

Lupaza got four glasses out, setting them down on the table.

"And in lieu of that we'll drink you're poison." Kira joked, leaning back on her chair.

"Call it that and there will be no more shipments of Bajoran Tonic Water to Terok Nor." Furel paused before pouring Kira's drink.

"That stuff is pretty lethal though." Dax looked at the drink pushed in front of her. "I don't handle it too well." She looked at them apologetically.

Kira took Dax's drink, poured half of it into her own glass then pushed it to Lupaza. "Could you soften that with a bit of water?"

Lupaza did, handing it back to Dax. "Don't worry. My tolerance for alcohol is nothing like these two." She explained to her.

"I've never really been much of a hard liquor drinker. Yet I've seen Nerys drink two bottles in one night."

"Two bottles? This stuff is going to kill you Nerys." Lupaza warned.

"I have cut back, really. That was just a bad night you saw Jadzia. And it takes a lot more for me to pass out." Kira spoke into her drink. Dax reached out a comforting hand, resting it on her thigh and giving it a small squeeze.

"I know news takes a lot longer to travel out to us, but I heard that the Celestial Temple has been found." Furel asked.

"That's what many Bajoran's believe it to be." Dax told them.

"It is the Celestial Temple. Everything that Commander Sisko described, the Prophets, the ability for them to see the future, the orbs, being able to travel so far from Bajor so quickly, it all points towards being the temple. All the religious elders say that it is undoubtedly the Celestial Temple." Kira stated. "That's why we were here. The Provisional Government and the Vedek Assembly wanted to know as much about the Wormhole as possible, and Jadzia is the closest thing we have to an expert at the moment."

"Wormhole?"

"That's what the Federation calls it."

"The Federation found it?"

Dax spoke up. "Actually, I was on the shuttlecraft with Commander Sisko when it was found. Apart from all the ships that have accidentally gone through it, I was one of the first people to see it. Nerys was the one who claimed it for Bajor and kept it from the Cardassians.”

Kira swelled with pride as Dax told of her part in the wormhole discovery. "It's an unbelievable sight. It's this swirling mass of energy. But you can only see it when there are ships close to it or going through it."

Dax got up, going through her backpack and found a data padd. She scrolled through the information, finding the picture she wanted and handed it to Lupaza. "That's the wormhole."

Furel crowded over her shoulder, pouring himself another drink. "And you two live by the Celestial Temple? You see it every day?"

"Almost everyday. You have to come up to the station and visit us. Then you can see it for real." Kira offered.

"It definitely lives up to its name. It's quite a show." Lupaza stared at the video on the data pads, amazed by what she saw.

Dax sat down behind Kira, putting an arm around her shoulder. "You can keep that. I've got plenty more."

"You sure? We can't just take this."

"We've got more than enough." Kira told them, then turn to Dax. "Although if there is ever a shortage of data padds, I know who to have on report."

"So who outranks who?" Lupaza asked.

"I do, of course.” Kira topped up her drink, offering a refill to Furel. “Although Starfleet have different ranks, I'm not sure if I technically outrank Commander Sisko." 

"I wouldn't try it." Dax warned her. "You haven't seen Ben in a bad mood yet. You have nothing on him." Dax tried to put her arm back around Kira, but she kept leaning forward, awkwardly out of reach.

Lupaza could see Kira's discomfort with being affectionate in front of them. "You two are a really cute couple. I wasn’t sure about it when you told me, but I haven't seen you so at ease for a long time Nerys."

Kira stopped trying to pull away from Dax, lying back against her. "You think so?" She finished her drink.

Furel lent forward on his chair, looking intently through alcohol soaked eyes. "Nerys, you always had guts and determination. And that bloody Cardassian stole it from ya. I'm glad ya found it again, even if it’s in the arms of an off-worlder."

Kira blushed, looking at Dax. 

"Well, it also makes it easier for us." Lupaza explained. "You see, we only have the rug for someone to sleep on. Someone would have had to sleep on the couch. And they're not the most comfortable things. You don't mind sleeping together, do you?"

"We'd prefer it." Dax told them. "The hotel was awkward, sharing a room, but having separate beds."

"You two surprise me." Kira suddenly stated. "You're both very spiritual people. Lu, you taught a lot of us in our cell to read using that worn out book of prophetic visions. You were both there when Labern and Hekra got caught fucking. Yet you accept who I'm with. Why?"

"For one, I never really agreed with the interpretations of Vedek Yata. He feels as though he has an ulterior motive behind him. And all these people who think its justification to govern what two people do together."

"I don't think that having intimate relations with pretty unmarried women is what caused me to lose my arm. Nor all those handsome young men you and Lupaza slept with." Furel winked at Lupaza.

Kira shuddered as she finished her drink, her wild past a mirror image to what she had become.

"Seeing how happy you are Nerys, no one should be denied that. After everything you've been through, you deserve happiness. Anyway, I don't believe any of us are the angels we're suppose to be, not after all the blood that was spilt to protect Bajor."

"A little too much blood if you ask me." Furel pulled the stopper of the bottle, refilling then offering the bottle to Kira. "You're slipping kid. I'm three up on you."

Kira grabbed the bottle, filling her glass and taking a long drink from it.

"Furel, don't encourage her." Lupaza scolded. 

“I wasn’t keeping count.” Kira slammed her glass back on the table.

Furel refilled Kira’s drink then looked to Dax. “Jadzia, you look after our Nerys. I don’t care if you’re Bajoran or alien, man or woman, if you break her heart, you will find out exactly how terrifying the Shakaar Resistance can be.”

Dax looked surprised, but touched by their loyalty towards Kira. “I wasn’t planning to.”

“I do not need you guys threatening my lover.” Kira punched at Furel. “I can still fight my own battles.”

“Just trying to protect your heart. You’re too young to know about these things properly.”

“I am no longer that twelve year old kid you first had tag along cleaning weapons. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve grown up. Just like you’ve aged too.”

“I may have a bit more silver in my hair, but it’s dignified.” He tired to sit taller and look serious, but Kira and Lupaza just laughed at him.

“You’re just lucky you survived long enough to get grey hairs. I don’t know how many times we had to save your arse. You were always a dreadful shot with a rifle.”

“I just preferred the brute force of explosives.” He lent back in his chair and yelled boom, his hand making out to be exploding weaponry.

Beside him Lupaza jumped, and Kira discretely patted her arm.

“We’re just looking out for you Nerys.” Lupaza told her. “After all, we’re all the family you’ve got, someone needs to make sure you don’t mess things up.” She slowly stood up. “I'm going to bed. Some of us have things to do in the morning, and you’ve had more than enough to drink tonight." She glared at Furel, hoping he'd take the hint. "I'll get out the blankets for you two. You can work out how you want to sleep."

"Don't mind her." Furel relaxed back in the chair. "She just doesn't understand how much this stuff can dull the pain. Out here my supply of painkillers is not like it was in the Resistance. And I can't just steal them any more."

"Is your arm still giving you grief?" Kira asked, filling her glass again, but sipping it slower this time.

"Has since it happened kid, sure it always will."

"I meant what I said before, you two are welcome to come to the station anytime you want to. And the medical treatment would be free. "

"I'm sure Doctor Bashir could have a look at your arm.” Dax offered. “See how much nerve damage he could repair. Maybe even build a prosthetic arm."

"Oh no, no prosthetic. You see my lovely, if I get one of them, then I'll be expected to do real work around here."

Kira threw back her head, laughing heartily at his excuse. "You wouldn't do a days work even if you had two arms. It's just a story you tell to make us pity you."

Lupaza returned with an armload of blankets and some pillows. “I’m sorry, some of these are a bit ratty, it’s all I could find. We’re not use to having guests.”

Kira got up to take them from her. “I don’t care about some ratty blankets. The main thing was I got to see you and Furel. It feels strange not having you around in my life all the time.”

“I do miss our underground family.” She gave Kira a quick hug, then motioned to Furel to follow her to bed. He didn’t take the hint and she pulled him to leave. “Can you come to bed and leave them to get ready?” She hissed at him.

“Just let me finish my drink.” He glared at her, throwing back the last of it before clearing the table. “Goodnight ladies.”

As the door to the side room closed Kira sat down on the couch. Dax took the blankets from her and spread them out on the rug by the fireplace, Kira’s head feeling light from the alcohol.

"Glad one of us doesn't have to sleep on this thing. I'd rather the hard ground to it." She tried to smooth out the lumps in the couch.

"Things worked out well Nerys. I'm glad of that."

"My heart was pounding so hard when I told Lupaza. I was worried that we might be walking back to the city to find a hotel." Kira slowly pulled off her jacket and boots.

"I guess this is something I've never had to experience. No one really worries about who you sleep with on Trill. It's just something that people do without announcement. Do you want your night shirt?"

"I was just going to wear my uniform. Save having to change in the morning."

"You'll be more comfortable in it though." Dax pulled out her shirt, throwing it to her. "Can you manage?"

"I'm not that uncoordinated. Just a little tipsy." She pulled the nightshirt on, crawling under the blanket next to Dax. "Do I really drink too much?"

"I do worry about you when you drink to pass out."

"Well you can see where I got the habit from. Like Furel, it dulls the pain and the memories."

"What was so painful today that you needed to drink?"

Kira said nothing, settling down in the bed.

"Nerys? What happened?"

Kira stretched, yawning loudly. "Oh, I think Furel's brew is stronger than I'm use too. It's really knocked my head about."

"Rubbish, you said you felt sober a moment ago."

"Must have hit hard." Kira tried a drunken sounding giggle. "Let's get to sleep."

"Nerys, don't evade the issue. Something is troubling you."

Kira rolled over to face Dax. "Zia, I don't want to discuss it right now. Here is not the right place, and I don't have the energy for it." Dax tenderly stroked her cheek, seeing the pain in her eyes. "I just want to forget." Kira rolled away and closed her eyes, ending the conversation.

==/\==

Dax stirred because of a pain in her hip and shoulder. The floor bed was uncomfortable, and she wondered if the couch was really that bad. She could hear the fire softly crackling, low enough to keep them warm but not too hot.

She ran her hand through the sheets to hold Kira, but found she was missing.

Soft whispered in the room told her she wasn’t far. She sat up and saw Kira sitting at the table with her head in her arms. Lupaza sat next to her, softly whispering. Kira responded sometimes, but mostly she listened. 

Dax watched the two for a moment, then lay back down to give them privacy.

A silent shadow passed by, and Dax could tell that Lupaza had returned to bed. Kira stayed at the table, and Dax was torn between going to comfort her, and leaving her to return to bed when ready.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then felt the blanket move then Kira lie down beside her. Slowly she snaked her hand across, holding her. Realising Dax was awake, Kira curled into her arms, holding tight, still trembling slightly.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” She murmured into her chest.

“You didn’t. The pain in my shoulder from this hard floor did.” She ran her hand down Kira’s cheek and found it was damp. “Do you need anything?”

“Just your arms around me while I sleep.”

“I can do that.” Dax held her closely, knowing it meant that she wasn’t willing to talk about the terrors that woke her, but needed to feel safe. “I’ve got you Nerys.” She stared at the fire place, watching the embers flicker until eventually Kira’s body began to relax in her arms.

==/\==

Bashir ran his medical tricorder over Kira, despite her efforts to push him away.

"Major! You're drunk."

"We had a big night last night. I had a few glasses. It's just residual."

"You currently have an alcohol reading that disqualifies you from piloting this shuttle."

"I'll be piloting the shuttle." Dax shut-down Kira's console, bringing the shuttle around and leaving orbit.

"At least you only have trace amount of alcohol in your system." He scanned Dax quickly then turned back to Kira. "Major, synthahol exists for a reason."

"Doctor, it may pretend to be alcohol, but it doesn't do everything alcohol does. Now if you don't mind, I have a bit of a headache."

"I'm not surprised you do. To have the level of alcohol you have in your system now, you had to have consumed more than enough alcohol to kill you."

"Doctor, I do not need a lecture about the dangers of drinking."

"Obviously you do otherwise..."

Kira stood up, facing Bashir closely and using her full height to intimidate him. "Now Doctor," she moved closer to him, "would not be a good time."

He began stammering, backing away from her. "I'll see what I can do about finding you a remedy for a hangover. But I still want to talk to you about this."

Quickly he left the cockpit, Kira sinking back into the co-pilots chair.

"Technically you shouldn't even be in that chair." Dax quietly mentioned turning to her.

Kira glared at her, but Dax resisted the intimidation.

"What was said yesterday that made you drink so much last night?"

"It's just how we are when we get together. Furel is a bad influence on me. And that brew of Skene was a little stronger than he's been sending me."

"I know he egged you on, but you pushed him for more." 

"We like to drink. It's just old Resistance ways."

Now out of the system, Dax set the ship to auto-pilot. She turned to Kira, putting an understanding hand on her thigh. "Even you said last night that you drink you dull the pain. What pain are you in? I was with you most of the evening. Was it something Lupaza said when you went out to their woodshed?" Kira shivered, pulling away from Dax. "Why do I have to drag this out of you every time? Nerys, surely you can learn to open up and trust me."

Kira looked around, making sure Bashir truly was gone, not just hovering behind a bulkhead. "I told you about Timani?" Dax nodded. "She's getting married."

Dax looked at her confused. "What's wrong with that? You didn't expect that your Resistance friends would move on with their lives too?"

"It's just... after liberation Timani and I had a argument. I accused her of giving up on what she believed in for a soft bed and a fuck. She said that I use fighting, being a soldier as a crutch because I can't deal with what happened to me." Kira turned away from Dax, her previous bravado gone. 

"And you're afraid she was right."

"Was she?" Kira stared at Dax with clear eyes, afraid of the answer but needing to hear it anyway.

Dax held Kira's hands in hers, "Nerys, like anyone who was in the Resistance, you have seen horrors and experienced things that most people can't imagine. Now either you can learn to deal with those things, or you can bottle them up and let them eat away at you."

"That's what Timani told me... she told me that I had to move on. That the monster who... that prison prefect... who..."

"The one who tortured you?" 

Kira nodded, glad Dax had taken the word from her. "That I was letting him win. She said that I had to move on. We argued and insulted each other out the front of her house." Kira gazed out the window to the passing star field. "We became close after... you know, but since this fight I haven't been able to contact her. She won't answer my calls. She's deliberately keeping me out."

"You've lost a friend, a very close friend who helped you through a difficult time."

"That's what I was afraid of. She use to tell me everything she did, what she ate, where she was going, and now I find out that she's betrothed, and I hear it from someone else. That's why I drank so much."

"I think we need to find you some better coping strategies."

Kira slowly nodded. "Sisko told me I'm not allowed to go punching Cardassians anymore."

"We can try the holosuite. I know some great Klingon combat programs, you can punch and kill holo-soilders as much as you like."

Kira reluctantly agreed. "I'll give it a try."

"Maybe you should also get some counselling."

"Jadzia, I can't talk to anyone about what I did back then. I've done things that I could still be held accountable for."

"You can talk to me. You can talk to a Federation counsellor. Just don't talk to your bottles of alcohol about it because they will give you nothing but sorrow, and the Doctor wanting to give you a lecture."

"I'm sure I'm in for that already. He’s probably lurking out the back rehearsing something now.”

“You could talk to Doctor Bashir about it. It might even help him to grow up a bit and understand the universe a bit more.”

Kira carefully laced her fingers in Dax’s. “I’ll work on it. For you.” 

She heard footsteps coming from the back of the runabout and pulled away, turning to the console to look busy and realising it was shut off. 

Bashir came up behind them, suddenly pressing a hypo against Kira’s arm. “There’s an analgesic for your head, and a large glass of water.”

Kira almost jumped out of her seat, swearing at him in Bajoran. “Next time you ask before touching anyone!” She snatched the glass from him and stormed off to the back of the runabout to lie down.

“I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just...” he stared at Dax, hoping for an explanation.

“That’s some good advice Doctor. Not everyone likes being touched. I would suggest you back off touching Kira unless she says you can.”

He sat down in the co-pilot seat. “It was just a hypo.” He muttered, sitting quietly while Dax ran unnecessary diagnostics to keep herself busy on the journey back to the station.

==/\==


End file.
